"In our time, our parents didn't hesitate to speak of death and dying. What they seldom mentioned was sex. Today, it's the other way round.

When there's a crisis in the family, parents are often tempted to protect their children: sometimes they won't tell children what is really happening, and often they won't let them see what they, the adults, are really feeling. Within a family, however, there is seldom only one person's problem. What you may think is your own personal despair may be having an overwhelming effect on your children, too, even if you don't talk about it, or try to pretend it's not serious. It's easy to overlook the effect on children, and fail to give them the comfort they need as well as the reassurance that things will get better. The problem is compounded by the fact that children do not always show their anxiety or grief. In fact, they may act in ways that seem quite inappropriate, showing indifference or lack of concern.

Most families - and most adolescents - do weather such crises. But problems such as deteriorating behavior or schoolwork are often signs that the situations more than the youngster can cope with. We are used to adolescents occasionally being moody and miserable - in fact, it's almost what we expect - but very often we underestimate the depth of pain they suffer, and overlook the fact that, occasionally, normal misery can become clinical depression, just as it can in adults. Whatever the crisis - unemployment, divorce, or bereavement - it is almost bound to have a secondary effect on your child and should not be overlooked. You may have to make a special effort to talk to your adolescent during difficult times.