IF YOUR CHILD RUNS AWAY

What you should do:

Children who are unhappy or anxious nearly always show some change in behavior. If your child seems more withdrawn or irritable, or simply behaves worse than usual, ask them if anything is wrong. If they deny that they have a problem, reassure them that if they’re ever in trouble you’ll always be on their side and want to help them. Make sure they understand that no problem is too serious for them to share with you. If it seems impossible to talk to them directly because you meet a blank wall when you try, or because tempers flare up on both sides, it’s worth suggesting that they might find it easier to talk to a sympathetic third party. Could a family friend or relative whom they like and trust talk to them? Professional counseling can be helpful if your child agrees, and if they’re reassured that what is discussed will be confidential.

• Is there a situation at home that is impossible for your child to cope with?
  Sometimes running away is a desperate cry for help, or an escape from a situation that is intolerable and that seems to have no solution. The breakup of the parents’ marriage, a complete inability to get along with a parent or (more often) a stepparent, emotional or physical or sexual abuse: all are situations that the teenager cannot expect the family on its own to resolve. Although these problems are the most serious, they are also the most difficult for parents to acknowledge. A mother, for example, may turn a blind eye to abuse of a child by her partner, or refuse to listen if the child tries to tell her, either because she feels powerless to stop it, or because she feels that recognizing it would threaten her own relationship with the abusing partner.
  
  Make time to listen to your child. Never brush aside their worries when they try to talk to you. If you are really worried about them – perhaps because you think they seem very withdrawn or unhappy, or you suspect that they’re drinking too much or taking drugs – tell them you’re worried, and ask the about their feelings.

If you have a problem, running away won’t solve it. The problem will still be there when you go back. Running away, unless you have money and somewhere safe and comfortable to run to, can be unpleasant and even dangerous. Whatever the problem is, it helps to tell someone about it. Your parents are the best people to talk to because they are the people most likely to be able to change things.

If things have reached such a state that you’re thinking about running away, then you have to make your parents realize how you feel. If you’re hurt or angry or resentful, don’t try to bottle it up, but tell them your real feelings. This doesn’t mean attacking them for what they’ve said or done. That seldom works. The chances are that they think they behave quite reasonably. You have to explain how their behavior makes you feel because, very often, they just don’t realize this. Even if you’ve done something you think is bound to hurt or anger them (like getting in trouble at school), they’ll have to know sooner or later, and often they are more understanding than you might expect. Almost certainly they would rather try to help you solve the problem than have you run away.

If for some reason you can’t talk to your parents, tell someone else about the problem. A grandparent or other relative you’re close to is often the most helpful person because they may be able to explain things to your parents. Simply talking to a friend, or calling a free telephone helpline can make you feel a lot better. They may not be able to solve the problem, but they can help you sort out your feelings and decide what you can do to change the situation that is making you unhappy.