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PARENTS CHANGE
TOO
You have to adjust to all sorts of changes
during your adolescence, but so do your parents.
Sharing a home with young adults is quite
different from living with small children, and
family life can’t be organized just on
their terms anymore. They probably have less
privacy and less time on their own, and a quiet
evening by themselves may be a rarity. You are
also much more expensive to keep now: the wants
and needs of small children tend to be simpler
and cheaper than those of teenagers, and so they
may be under extra financial strain.
'They make me mad'
syndrome
| 'Sometimes I feel really depressed and I
don’t know why. Then just because I don't
feel like saying much, or I want to be by
myself, my Dad says to my Mom, ‘Honey,
she’s just going through a phase’.
That makes me really mad. It means they
don’t understand how I’m
feeling.”
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Here are some points for
Teenagers to remember too:
Parents need time to
adjust.You’re changing so rapidly that
it’s inevitable that parents tend to be
one step behind. There will be times when you
feel they treat you like a child. This is
irritating, but it’s just as bad to have
parents who expect too much of you.
Even if you aren't getting
along well, parents are basically on your
side. If you have a problem, don’t assume
that they wouldn’t understand or be
prepared to help you. Other people’s
parents often seem nicer, kinder, and more
understanding than your own, but this is often
an illusion. Parents put on a good show when
there are visitors. They don’t (or
shouldn’t) shout at their children or make
them look small in front of their friends. Your
parents may seem marvelous to your friends. If
you do have difficult parents, your friends will
realize it is not your fault.
Your parents know that you
have to grow up and grow away from them, but
they may be hurt (and take it out on you) if
they feel you have no time for them any more. If
they complain, “You treat this house like
a hotel,” it doesn’t mean they want
to stop taking care of you. It’s a sign
that they’d like a little more
appreciation, so may be you could find a little
time to talk to them or to do your share of
family chores.
Your teenage years may be a
difficult time for your parents for other
reasons quite unconnected with you.
Maybe
they have to take increasing responsibility for
their own aging parents.
For
many it is a make –or-break time at work,
they realize that it is their last chance to
change direction if they have not been very
happy in their job, or they have to face the
fact that they are never going to get that final
promotion.
For
many who become unemployed in their middle
years, things can look very bleak as the
prospects of re-employment are not good.
Be
tactful about how and when you make demands. If
you know that they have their problems, too,
choose another moment to complain about the
unfair treatment you’ve been getting. If
you know that money is tight, try to wait a bit
before asking for an advance or an increased
allowance.
Case Study:
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WITHER AT 30?
You might think you’re quite cool
for a parent, but wait until you’ve got a
daughter growing into her teens; You’ll
soon feel very passe….
Like many other
thirty something mothers, I still go out with my
friends and wear the same clothes as anyone
under 30. I’ve remained a teenager at
heart, and will probably do so for the rest of
my life. I cut my teeth on the Sex Pistols and
have been part of every other music revolution
since. So the idea of my daughter’s
approaching teenage years never filled me with
dread. I would be able to cope with her
infatuations with squeaky-clean boy bands,
girl-power politics and shopping trips.
I’d probably even enjoy them.
Except when Susan did
become a teenager, it wasn’t what I
expected. Recently, a poster of the heavy
metal band 'Dread not the Dead' appeared on her
bedroom wall. Hairy and pierced, with the kind
of pointy clipped beards that I find
particularly scary, they’re not the
best-looking bunch. My daughter finds this very
amusing.
And 'Dread..Dead' are the
least worrying of the bunch. At least they sound
okay, and have a sense of humour. Some of the
others she favours are unspeakably hideous.
'Slipknot' wear horrible
bondage masks and vomit on stage. Until
recently, MTV wouldn’t feature them.
According to Select magazine, when they formed
in 1995 one horrified record company executive
said : “ If that is the future of music,
then I don’t want to be alive.” They
were introduced on TFI Friday as “the
world’s scariest band”, and even
they appeared startled after their performance.
Susan and her
friends have mutated into a new breed of
teenager who detest lyrics such as
Britney’s “I was born to make you
happy”. When I asked my daughter who she
would most like to see as a pin-up, she
announced : “ Kurt Cobain of
Nirvana”. “But he’s dead,
darling.” I pointed out, “It’s
rather unusual to have a deceased pop star in a
teenage magazine. What about 5ive?”. Susan
immediately turned into the female version of
Kevin the teenager and said “Mom,
you’re so embarrassing. They’re
really ugly, and they’re rubbish.”
My daughter would prefer to see the Red
Hot Chili Peppers. Now, I’m more than
happy to look at undressed men, but
there’s something not quite right about
sitting there with a 14-year-old watching a
group performing naked apart from socks over
their genitalia. But Susan is not alone in this
thinking.
Her
13–year old friend Christine says :
“I can’t stand all the manufactured
bands like Westlife. I don’t like Geri
Halliwell’s music either.”
Katie,
also 14, points out : “I used to like the
Spice Girls, but I can’t stand them now. I
like punk bands like NOFX and Rancid. Slipknot
are okay – they’re gross, but funny.
I did like Robbie Williams, but he’s
really annoying and Britney’s fake; her
lyrics are boring.”
Our
mother–daughter relationship is clearly
going through a sticky patch. Im trying to
figure out what's happening..Am I too slow? When
Susan says "…their music is
horrid..and very anti-establishment", I get
worried. I ask her
“ Friends, sweetie?” and Susan
replies firmly : “No. Mother and
daughter.”
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